


I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on

by Sunnyhoney



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: 3b, 3x21, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e21 The Fox and the Wolf, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Get Together, M/M, My First Fanfic, Nogitsune Stiles, Nogitsune Trauma, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Season 3, Sharing a Bed, Work In Progress, post 3b
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4806251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyhoney/pseuds/Sunnyhoney
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The action follows 3x21 .</p><p>    There's a way to reach Stiles through the possession of the Nogitsune .<br/>They still don't know how to save him but Derek is determined to do so .<br/>But once the Nogitsune is gone , Stiles is left with all his guilt , anxiety and pain and needs someone to help him get through it all .</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm getting tired and I need someone to rely on

         The atmosphere in the animal clinic was incredibly tense . For the past year, they’ve found themselves in this place when something was utterly wrong , the walls had been filled with stress , misery , anger , hurt and even grief . But this time was different . This time was worse . Because it wasn’t a werewolf hurt in a fight , it wasn’t a meeting to go to war once again or to find out more about the monsters hiding behind Beacon Hills trees . This time it was Stiles . The brain of their pack , the bond holding them together , the reason … the human . And so the room was filled with despair , pain and self-loathing as the one person they should have protected had fallen to the hands of an evil worse than they’ve ever fought before .

-The spirit is deeply tied to Stiles mind . This is how he uses and manipulates him but this can be turned onto him .A strong bond with the Nogitsune’s host could break the possession for a short moment, if someone could reach to Stiles, he could fight back and expulse it from his body .

       Scott shook his head . Despair and anger had hardened his expression . The lack of sleep and the guilt had burned a hole into him and he couldn’t react anymore , he couldn’t think properly or make up any plan to save his best friend , his brother .

\- I’ve tried . It’s like he doesn’t even recognize me . And I’m pretty sure I’m Stiles closest friend .  
\- You were …

       Scott’s head snap back to face Isaac . His eyes flash red , anger and pain ,because he doesn’t want it to be true , but deep down he knows it is. He felt Stiles slipping away from him a long time ago . And he sacrificed his friendship for what he thought was greater good . Isaac tries to apologize :

\- Look, Scott , I’m sorry but even before this, he was drifting away from everyone .

       Deaton’s soothing voice tear Scott away from his self-loathing for a minute :

\- Everything that is happening at the moment is going on in Stiles mind . The bond is something truly personal , it doesn’t need to be someone close to him , it can be anyone that occupy some kind of space in his mind and with whom he feels some kind of connection. It can be love but also anger , fear or pain .

\- So it could be anyone ? How are we supposed to know who it is ?

       Allison is exasperated , she hates feeling useless , and everyone else in the room seems to feel the same , lost , like they’re walking in the dark without even knowing where they’re supposed to go .  
      Deaton looks at them one by one , Allison standing in front of him with her arms crossed , Scott , staring blankly at his shoes , Kira , a caming hand on his shoulder ,  Lydia and Isaac , sitting on the table near the door , and Derek who stares back at him , brooding , as always .

\- I trust you to figure it out .

***

       The Sherif takes a look at his son from across the room . He cannot even recognize him . Sweat runs between his shoulder blades .

-God , I can’t lose you too …

       Despite Chris and the pack standing beside him , looking into the void of his kid’s eyes make him feel totally isolated .

\- Stiles ... are you in there ?

       A cold , sad laugh escapes the teen’s mouth .

\- Oh my god , really ? What do you think ? That he’s gonna come running to you as soon as you pronounce his name ? You’re really underestimating me , that’s kinda sweet … And really stupid .

       With a loud growl , Derek races across the room , he stands right in front of the Nogitsune , puffing with rage , appearing bigger than ever .

\- GET OUT OF HIM .

       An Alpha order. Vibrating throughout the whole room , making the other werewolves whine . He grits his teeth .  
But the Nogitsune is no Beta .He stares at Derek , unimpressed . Suddenly his hand close on the back of the werewolf’s neck, bending his body backward at an awful angle. The alpha lets out a whimper .

\- You never learn , do you ?

       Across the room , the pack can hear the bones breaking in Derek’s body and the painful , heavy breathes he lets out .  
Chris’s gun is pointing right at Stiles chest ready to shoot but John put his hand on the hunter arm.

\- Please...Wait …  
\- John , if we don’t shoot him now we might never have another opportunity .  
\- Please , Chris …

       The demon lets out a bitter laugh :

\- Oh come on ! Please Daddy , don’t you understand ? You’ll never get your son back ! He’s gone for good now !

       The sight of his face is unbearable,mimicking Stiles expressions almost perfectly but there is no more sign of the teenager in this body .  
Derek is on his knees blood dripping from the hold on his neck , his teeth clenched together from the pain, he whispers :

\- Stiles … Stiles I know you can hear me .  
\- Oh my god ! Just shut up already !

       The Nogitsune kicks him violently in the stomach ,he kicks until blood is everywhere , rushing from Derek’s mouth .

\- See , daddy ? You’d better shoot me before I kill the person who protects this town’s teens , the one who’s doing your job …

       But Chris looks at the Sherif , their arms still linked together .  
In the provocation , something didn’t escape the werewolf senses , he’d swear , for the tiniest moment , he saw it , he felt it …  
Between two gasps for air , he tries again .

\- Stiles, I am right here okay ? I’m not… gonna leave you …

       And...he sees it clearly , the teen’s face distorted for a second before the Nogitsune takes control again hitting him harder than before . But Derek is stubborn , and he keeps reaching for what strength he has left . The pain is nothing ,he stays focused , he doesn’t let any doubt get to him , because , maybe , he’s wrong , maybe he’s not gonna be able to save him , to save himself , but he needs to believe and so ,he tries harder under the flood of kicks and punches and reaches for Stiles hand , holding it firmly against the Nogistune’s resistance . He can see him freeze for a moment , letting appear the Stiles he knows for the shortest moment , his eyes full of fear and despair .

  
\- Stiles , Stiles ! You have to hold him back, you gotta fight it for just a moment ! Focus Stiles , Focus on me , okay ?

  
      His mouth hangs open and then he’s gone . The Nogitsune shouts and bangs Derek’s head on the floor .  
For a moment , he blacks out , when he opens his eyes again , the pack he’s getting closer and closer . He sees Chris holding the gun firmly and his mind starts racing , he remember those moments where he couldn’t hold the wolf back during the full moon and he remembers that something always brought him back … Pain .

-His legs ! Shoot his legs !

       The bullet goes right through Stiles ankle . His body falls loudly on the floor and Derek rushes on top of him . He holds him back and once again reaches for the boy’s hands .

  
\- Stiles ! Stiles talk to me !  
\- Derek …

       His face is overwhelmed with pain, he blinks , he doesn't understand what is happening, he looks lost and so scared .

\- We don’t have much time . Look at me .Focus on the pain , focus on me, ok ?I know you can get him out of you , you have to do it , I know you’ve got what it takes . Stiles , you can overpower him , you can kick him out !

  
      Stiles looks blankly at Derek and for a moment , the werewolf thinks he’s been tricked by the Nogitsune once again . And then Stiles closes his eyes , his face torn apart , horribly deformed , he holds Derek’s hands so tight he’s probably gonna break his fingers. For long minutes , he struggles , his nose began to bleed , his eyes are revulsed and his body is convulsing and , suddenly shadows are filling the room like smoke . Derek feels Stiles body going still under his and the only thing he can see is a tiny dot of light flying up . He watches the spark go up in the air and gets ready , letting go , relaxing , opening up .  
He feels a weird heat in his lungs , a tiny itch . And then the darkness. He can’t hold his wolf but before giving in entirely he shouts :

-Kira !

       She instantly knows what she needs to do , she runs towards him , holding the blade firmly in her hand , like a warrior . The Nogistune takes control before Derek can see anything else but he sure hears the poignant scream of the girl and he sure feels the aching pain of the blade piercing his stomach .

                                                                                                                                           ***

  
-We need to do something .

       Scott’s legs are thrown lazily on the couch .The pack has been here a lot , lately and it begins to feel like home . Isaac approves :

\- It’s been 2 weeks and he didn’t got out of the house once .  
\- We left him space and time , he’s healed and now he needs to move on.

       Derek is staring blankly at Isaac’s feet on the coffee table , before the beta removes them quickly .

\- Okay .  
\- Okay ?

       Scott eyes go wide .

\- Do you really have to look at me like this everytime I open my mouth ? I said okay , I think that’s a good idea , it’ll change his thoughts and even if it doesn’t work , it won’t hurt anyone to focus on something else .  
\- Does that mean you’re okay with us throwing the party here ?  
\- Yes. But I don’t want to be involved in any way and I want the loft to be squeaky clean the next day , and if I find anyone in my room , I’ll kill them .

       Scott nods vigorously and Lydia starts jumping around, babbling about cocktails , music , decoration “ because , nobody wants to party in a graveyard“ and Derek thinks he’s gonna regret this really soon .  
So he disappears , he goes running through the woods , spend some time in the Hale house . He stays away from the whole preparation .  
When he comes back the loft is packed . He didn’t even thought they were this many teenagers in Beacon Hill .  
      He doesn’t even recognize his place, half of it has been covered in sofas , cushions and tentures and the other is full of sweaty kids dancing in front of a platform where a tiny dj stands behind huge consoles . He was ok for a party not a festival . But, to be honest , he’s kinda grateful for the extatic crowd .  
      His eyes scan the room and quickly finds him, tipping a drink into his open mouth , Scott and Isaac cheering him on . Stiles turns his head, meeting his eyes . He freezes for a second and then a smile gets to his face , lighting up his eyes a little . Derek can’t help but respond in kind .He turns away , looking for some peaceful corner somewhere in the loft but a hand grabs his arm . Stiles nod in direction of the balcony .  
      The fresh air hits them in the face violently after the heat of the inside .

  
\- So, are you alright ?  
\- Yes … Yes I am . My leg is nearly healed and the doctor...  
\- I’m not talking about your leg , Stiles .

       Derek’s voice can feel quite arsh sometimes . He rarely speaks but when he does he gets to the point without any embellishment . The awkward smile leaves Stiles face . He’s drunk and he can’t really hide his emotions . He also can’t stop moving . He bounces from one leg to the other , put his fingers in his hair , his hands shaking .

\- I… I’m okay . I am glad I’m alive you know . And everybody’s alright so …"

       Derek stares at him blankly and the rest of his rambling gets stuck in his throat .

\- Do you know why I was able to pull you out of the Nogitsune’s possession ? You chose me Stiles . Not Scott , not your father , not Lydia , me . I have no idea why , but the fact is ,we share something . And , werewolf or not , I know when you’re lying ."

       Stiles face gets paler he stays silent for a while before emotion starts bubbling up in his throat :

  
\- No, no… Don’t do this to me right now , I‘m fucking drunk and I don’t want to go this way because I might just explode or shatter into pieces . I cannot deal with that… I cannot think about it ... I just... I just want to forget about it and get back to normal .

\- You can’t forget about it , you can’t act like nothing happened ! If you don’t deal with it , it’s gonna destroy you from the inside .If the Nogistune got to you in the first place , that’s because of everything you hold inside . He feeds on darkness , on sadness , on those things you don’t want to deal with and let to rot in some corner of your mind .

\- Funny he got to you right after me, who knew you had a little darkness in you , Derek Hale .

       Stiles smiles slightly and Derek can’t help but laugh a little .

\- Are you laughing at my jokes ? Man , maybe the Nogitsune left with the cynical, sour Derek Hale .

\- Maybe . Or maybe I’ve missed seeing you smile .

       At those words the smile gets even bigger, Stiles’s insides feel all warm where it was dead cold for so long . Their eyes stay locked together for a few seconds and then Derek sits on the floor , waiting for Stiles to join him. He does so , sitting really close to him , their knees touching .

-You’re right . I’m not okay . But , how could I be ,seriously ? I’ve seen so many awful things , I nearly killed my best friend , I broke you into pieces …

-That’s okay , I can be kind of an ass sometimes .

       Stiles smiles briefly , his eyes shining imperceptibly .

-It's just ... I don’t know how to keep going . I feel like such a mess . I don’t know if I can ever make it up for what I did , I don’t know if I can live with that .

\- You didn’t do anything Stiles , you have to realize that . You’re not the nogitsune , none of this is your fault .

       Two wet brown eyes look up at him .

\- I don’t know Derek , I‘m fucking lost. There were so many moments where I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t , if it was “it” or if it was me . It’s like even now I don’t control my own brain . I feel useless and alone and also really ashamed to sob like a baby in front of you … I … I’m sorry …

       Stiles drops his head on his knees , his whole body shaking , tears rolling down his face . Derek can hear his heart bumping hard against his chest and it worries him . Slowly , he brushes Stiles arm with the tip of his fingers . At the touch , the teenager jumps , startled . Derek pull back his hand like he hurted him. But the sobbing stopped . Stiles turns his head , looking at the werewolf through the water blurring his eyes . He scrutinised Derek with a frown on his face .

\- You’re not alone Stiles . I know I’m not your friend, I’m nothing, and we never got on really well. To you, I’m probably just an asshole werewolf who came to ruin everyone’s life including yours .I guess you’d rather have never met me but here I am and …I think I can help .I’m not good at talking but I can listen and it seems like you need someone to talk to . You probably don’t want to speak to me but anyway … I want you to know that I’m here .

       He never heard Derek talk like that before and he keeps thinking the Nogitsune banged his head really hard and messed up his whole emotionless surface . But , on the other hand, he likes when Derek talks , especially when he talks to him with this worried voice , almost shy and embarassed .

       His mouth covered by his hoodie , he murmurs :

\- You , dumbass …  
\- W… What ?  
\- Seriously Derek , this is bullshit !

       Derek pulls back a little , surprised and a kinda ...hurt . But Stiles gets closer and,watching him straight in the eyes ,keep going .

\- You say you’re nothing for me ? Did you forget what you said five minutes ago ? You were the only one able to reach me and to break the possession . It wasn’t Scott , it wasn’t Lydia , it wasn’t even my dad , it was you ! And after that you can say you’re not important to me ?

       Derek mouth hangs open . Stiles is all up in his face , he can see the sparkle of brown in his left eye ,he can feel his breath on his lips . He smells like vodka, stress and fatigue . Stiles’s voice gets softer .

  
-Just being there … Talking to you ,knowing that you care about me...it feels much better than I’ve felt in weeks . I don’t wanna be alone . I don’t wanna face this alone .

       With the lasts words he gets back and bangs the back of his head on the wall. Once , twice . He presses his eyelids shut but that’s no use , the tears are flowing again.  
      This time Derek puts his hand firmly on his arm .

\- You’re not . I’m here , okay ?

       Stiles puts his hand on top of Derek’s , he tries to let go of the aching pain in his chest , he tries to breathe regularly , to focus on the warmth of the body against his , on Derek’s fingers wrapped around his wrist and how nice it feels .  
      They stay like this , pressed together . They stay for hours . They stay until the tears dry out and the noise of the party leaves room to the silence of the night.  
      A werewolf never gets cold but a drunk teenager certainly does . Stiles shivers under the light breeze and Derek puts his arms around his body , radiating warmth .  
      Right when he thinks the boy is falling asleep , he blinks and stand up brusquely .

-I... I should go home . The sun is rising … Everyone is gone … I need to …

       He's shaking once again , tries to get to the door and trips , Derek catches him before his head hits the wall.

\- You’re not driving Stiles . You’re drunk and I’m not letting you out of here like that .  
\- But …I’m tired, I need to go home , I can’t stay here !  
\- Why not ?  
\- God, you’re gonna invite me to a sleepover , Derek ? What’s next ? Are we gonna cuddle on the couch in our onesies ?

       He laughs . A dry , bitter laugh with no happiness in it . He’s uneasy , embarassed. Derek leads him inside the loft , keeping a blank face :

\- Too bad I don’t own a onesie , I’ll get us matching ones next time …

       Stiles looks at him , astonished by the remark and then starts to laugh again , a real franc laugh this time, a long , uncontrollable , drunk laugh , triggered by the mental image of Derek’s huge body wrapped in a onesie .  
      The loft is a mess , there are people sleeping on the sofa and on the floor . Derek keeps going , taking Stiles upstairs , in his bedroom . The laugh dissolved when the boy throws himself on the bed .

\- You’d better undress , your clothes smell like cigarette and alcohol , that’s awful .

       Stiles snorts .

\- What happened to you , Derek Hale ?  
\- What do you mean ?  
\- What happened to the grumpy , aggressive you ? You’re smiling , laughing , making jokes and you’re... way too nice

       He breathes heavily and the werewolf can sense his heart beating irregularly .

\- I liked the old you . Not that I don’t like the new you but , you know , I miss the time when you scared the shit out of me . The time when werewolves were the creepiest thing in my life . Sure I was scared but I was so excited … I didn’t even knew I could be possessed by a freaking Japanese fox who would screw up my head .

  
      He starts sobbing again and rubs his face as if he’d liked to bury his eyes inside his skull . Derek sits beside him and carefully reaches for his hands, taking them away from his face .

\- It’s gonna be ok , Stiles .  
\- No, it’s not ! I’m a mess ! I don’t know how am I supposed to keep going …If it’s ever gonna get better !

       Every part of his body is shaking violently . Derek puts a hand on his chest .

\- You need to breathe Stiles . You drank too much and your heart is trying to jump out of your chest .  
\- I can’t … God … I’m so cold … I can’t stop shaking …  
\- Come on, Stiles !

       That came out as a growl , the wolf talking. The panic attack is rising and his heart is beating erratically , his breath gets stuck in his lungs , he clenches his fists in the werewolf shirt .Derek grabs his waist and sit him on his lap, he holds on tight , his arms wrapped around him , his fingers carressing the skin , he murmurs softly :

  
-You’re alright . You’re fine .I’m right here . You are safe .I’m not gonna leave you...

       Stiles can feel waves of calm and warmth emanating from the body wrapped around his . His heart slows down gradually , his breath evens . The panic leaves his body , leaving space for peacefulness , he’s never been able to get down from a panic attack so easily . Derek words seems so true and he wants to stay like this forever , in the safe refuge of the alpha's arms , his face pressed against his throat , listening to his heartbeat .

\- I'm sorry .  
\- Stop apologizing .

       They stay like this for a while until Derek can't take it anymore:

\- Are you really gonna keep those clothes on ? Seriously , you stink .

       He feels Stiles chuckles against his chest before getting up and throwing his tee shirt and jeans on the floor and crawling under the duvet . His eyes already closed he murmurs :

\- Are we actually gonna sleep in the same bed ? I can't believe I'm sleeping in Derek Hale's bed , that's so weird ...  
\- Don't worry about that I'll sleep in the chair . You’ve got the whole bed for you ,don't throw up in it please .

       There's a silence and Stiles opens his eyes , he swallows :

\- Really ?  
\- Yes , really . Now sleep .

       Derek settles on the chair letting out a small annoyed growl . He closes his eyes , focusing on Stiles heartbeat . But it doesn't slow down . And it's irregular again , sometimes even skipping a beat .

\- Stiles ! Stop thinking and go to sleep .  
\- Yeah . Yeah , ok .

       But obviously , he can't relax . A moment later he whispers in a shaky voice:

\- Derek ?  
\- What ?  
\- Can you ? … Can you please ? ...um... Nevermind , forget it .

       Derek sighs .

\- Yes, I can .

       He gets up and slips under the duvet . His strong arm catches Stiles around the waist , drawing him closer. The boy intertwines their legs together and after a moment where Derek can hear his heart bumping loudly against his ribcage , he begins to breathe more slowly , getting to a calm, relaxed pace . The werewolf stays awake until Stiles starts snoring peacefully before letting himself relax too .

 


End file.
